I was in my 2nd year of college at a conservative Christian school, engaged to the man of my dreams when we found out that I was pregnant. I will never forget the terror that entered my heart when I saw those two little pink lines. I told myself that if the baby's heart had not started beating yet that I would terminate the pregnancy and justified it in my mind allowing the world to silence the voice in my heart screaming that I would be scarred forever. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood. I remember feeling incredibly guilty and ashamed that I would even be there considering the whole thing. When they called my name, they made my fiance stay in the waiting room. They took me back to a private room where they did an ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy. The screen was turned away from me and I could not see anything she was looking at. She said very little except to confirm that I was pregnant - about 5 weeks - but also that she couldn't see the "embryo" which made her think that I may have and ectopic pregnancy. She explained what that was and that it could be fatal to me if I did not "take care of it in time." She gave me a paper that listed symptoms that my fallopian tube had burst and needed to go to the ER immediately, then made an appointment for me to come back to pick up the medication that I could take to end the pregnancy.
We left the clinic and were headed to have brunch with my Dad when my back started hurting incredibly bad (a symptom of an ectopic pregnancy). Afraid that I was in danger we went to the closest ER. Once checked in the pain had stopped by the doctor was concerned that I may have a blood clot so they ordered a cat scan. They warned me of the risk involved with the test during pregnancy but at that time I was still convinced that I wanted an abortion so I went ahead with the test. When they took me into the room in radiology the nurse again warned me of the risks. The first thing that caught my attention was that the nurse and I had the same first name. Uncommon and a bit of a coincidence but not completely out of the ordinary. Then the nurse completely caught my attention and said something that would change my life forever! She came around the the front of the bed so she was facing me, grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I can't help it because I am a mom. Are you sure you want to do this?" I said that I was (refering to the cat scan), and she replied, "I will cover your belly with two leads just to be safe." then continued with the test. A while later the doctor came in to report that they had found nothing wrong but told me to come back if the pain returned. No mention of the risk of an eptopic pregnancy whatsoever. When we left the hospital I grabbed my fiance's hand - he and I both knew that we couldn't go through with an abortion.
God intervined in my life that day and saved the life of my firstborn son!! Looking back I can now see His loving hand so clearly that I get chills. Unexplained back pain - the nurse who shared my name - a maternal plee. When all this happened it had been less than 2 years since my own mom had passed away from cancer. My heart was still broken and I was ultra-sensative to the honest and compassionate words the nurse spoke that day. She was talking about the cat scan, but in my heart God was crying out a plea to the life decision I was about to make.
On this Mother's Day, my heart is overflowing with love for my children, sorrow that my mom is not here to share in our joy, and an eternal gratitude to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who loves all His children even the unborn from the moment they are concieved and will move heaven and earth to keep them safe. My heart aches for the millions of women who are reminded today of children and babies that they have lost, and pray that they too can find rest in the God who loves them and holds them close to His heart, waiting - crying out to them to lay down their burdens and find peace. Happy Mother's Day & may God bless each of you on this special day!
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